After a week in which I had yet another painful confrontation with my mother and sister I am yet again back deep in suicidal depression. I also became aware today I was re-experiencing the deep abandonment depression which dogged me all through my later childhood, adolescence and young adult hood.
I now know why I suffered as I do. Why I was driven to addiction. Why I had a major accident at age 17 and why that pattern repeated as I entered upon the struggle to recover and break from my family and dysfunctional relationships in which it was verboten to really express painful feelings. I seem to have been in deep denial for years about the impact of my family upon me. I seem to have never really erected a strong boundary against invalidation abuse. I am only just waking up to this now at age 54.
On an astrological note…
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