Feeling suicidal : When Mars goes underground

Emerging From The Dark Night

After a week in which I had yet another painful confrontation with my mother and sister I am yet again back deep in suicidal depression.  I also became aware today I was re-experiencing the deep abandonment depression which dogged me all through my later childhood, adolescence and young adult hood.

I now know why I suffered as I do.  Why I was driven to addiction.  Why I had a major accident at age 17 and why that pattern repeated as I entered upon the struggle to recover and break from my family and dysfunctional relationships in which it was verboten to really express painful feelings.  I seem to have been in deep denial for years about the impact of my family upon me.  I seem to have never really erected a strong boundary against invalidation abuse.  I am only just waking up to this now at age 54.

On an astrological note…

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